amused by someones missed connection...

Musings on Mending Messy Endings (The Past)


I'm always wrapped up in my own affairs, afraid to offend and afraid to scare, I'm warped and I'm bent beyond repair, and I should care more about the tears and the tears, but it's rare that I dare to bare my fear for more than a mere moment. I know that slowly I'm growing out of the torrid affairs and the horrid remnants of misguided dares, but I'm still full of fear.
I feel that when you're nearer my sight is clearer, my nights are dearer and and the darkness is less dreary. I don't know if you can hear me, but I know you've been listening to me and all of these bleary-eyed late-night nearly nonsensical clearly tangential ramblings of mine.
I know this is supposed to be a connection I've missed, but I've written this in the hopes that you'll see my words and they won't be dismissed. Lately, and lastly, I think its ghastly how vastly our vision differs, but we've been earnestly basking like dreaming drifters floating past each-other on the same river.
We're on different paths, you and I, though we may try to bridge the gaps, and I believe that perhaps it was a lapse in judgment to dance into each-other's lives as we did.
My admiration for you did exist, and my fondness was not a fib, though you may now doubt my sincerity in this declaration. Trust that it was real, and that you were dear to me, but for me to feel free I felt the need to leave. Indeed, it was not kind of me, and blindly I tried to merely cut you off neatly....I didn't mean to hurt you deeply or completely sever our connection. My affection continues fiercely, but tersely I must convey that no matter what you or I could possibly do or say, you're not for me, and I'm not for you, neither tomorrow nor today. I'm sorry I feel that way.

I don't regret the time we've spent together, only my behavior afterward. I owe you more respect than I've shown you.